Finding The Freedom To Live The Life You Want
Thinking, Fasting, Waiting. Embracing Siddhartha’s Guide to Living Freely.
I have a client who really wanted a job that he felt he may be unqualified for, at least on paper.
I asked him, “Do you think you would be great at it? Would you really serve them?”
“Yes,” he said.
“Are you prepared to tell them, if they reject your application, that you would like to have a conversation because you feel you would serve them better than anyone else?”
“No,” he said. “That would be arrogant.”
“What is more important to you,” I asked, “avoiding the discomfort of feeling arrogant or having the freedom you need to really go after this job?”
It’s a big question. How uncomfortable am I willing to be to be free? Or, would I rather be comfortable than authentic and truthful?
That was the choice for my client.
It is the choice I personally field again and again. The choice between personal freedom and emotional comfort.
And literally–right this second–I have the knot in my stomach to prove it!
I’ll explain in a moment.
Lessons from Siddhartha: Thinking, Fasting, Waiting
In the book Siddhartha by Herman Hesse, Siddhartha is more or less having a job interview with the merchant Kamaswami. Siddhartha has been an ascetic living in the forest up until this part of the story and has no job experience. So Kamaswami asks Siddhartha what he can give in exchange for wages.
Siddhartha says, “I can think, I can wait, I can fast.”
“What use are they?” Kamaswami asks. “For example, fasting. What good is that?”
“If I had not learned to fast, I would have had to seek some kind of work today, for hunger would have driven me. But as it is, I can ward off hunger for a long time and laugh at it.”
In other words, Siddhartha is saying that if he was not able to be in the presence of discomfort–in this case hunger–he would not be free to do as he chose that day and try to get a position with the merchant.
Similarly, my client, if he was not able to be in the discomfort of thinking of himself as arrogant, may not have had the internal freedom to pursue the job he really wanted but didn’t feel qualified for.
By the way, Siddhartha got the job with the merchant.
And my client got his job, too.
How to Act With Freedom (Even When You Don't Feel Free)
When Siddhartha says he can think, he can fast, he can wait as a means to living the life he wants, here is what he means.
To Think means he has inner clarity
He has clarity about the truth of what he stands for in life and in each moment. He can approach situations with wisdom and discernment rather than reacting impulsively when things feel uncomfortable. This helps him make decisions that align with his true path.
To Fast symbolizes his ability to go without
This means he can endure discomfort without losing his center. As a result, he can choose the freedom to follow his true path or what he deeply desires in the moment, even if he has to be temporarily uncomfortable to do so. Even if he has to face inner demons like my client did in being willing to appear arrogant to himself.
To Wait reflects a trust in the natural flow of things
It also reflects allowing opportunities to unfold and not sabotage them by acting out impatience. It means not being so attached to one’s desire that one does something damaging to one’s prospects or the rest of one’s life.
(If you are one of my clients, you have probably read Tracy Goss’s Last Word On Power.
To think corresponds with having a stand. To fast corresponds with not being ruled by your winning strategy. To wait corresponds with dying before going into battle—there is no way things should or shouldn’t be.)
Together, choosing to be in these qualities—thinking, fasting, waiting—gives Siddhartha the inner freedom to follow his true path. He can act from his deepest intention, endure hardship while doing it, and let life reveal the way forward. True freedom comes from mastery of oneself which leads to mastery over one’s circumstances.
And here is the important part:
You don’t have to possess these qualities. You can simply choose to act as though you have them. You can choose to act from the metaphorical abilities to think, to fast and to wait as ways to act in line with what you most deeply desire or choose in life instead of avoiding discomfort.
Choosing Freedom Over Comfort—Even When It Sucks
I am uncomfortable A LOT these days. I was uncomfortable right before I started writing this newsletter. I had a knot in my stomach. Honestly, it still lingers.
That’s because, for the last many months, I have allowed myself the freedom to move through life with a lot of uncertainty. Dealing with the discomfort of uncertainty is the cost of my inner freedom and the pursuance of the life I want.
I’ve let myself want and pursue things I previously would not have allowed myself to want or pursue because I would have wanted to avoid the discomfort of being unfamiliar to myself—not living according to the stories of who I should be.
I have suffered great loneliness, frustration and feelings of–frankly–craziness to follow what felt like my deepest truth.
Metaphorically speaking, I have thought, fasted and waited instead of avoiding discomfort.
This allows me to be true to myself and my life direction. I wouldn’t say those facets—thinking, fasting, waiting—feel present in my character or that they are not.
I just choose to act like they are.
Walking My Own Talk (Even When It’s Hard)
An example is writing this newsletter. Honestly, I was sitting at my desk and my mind wanted to think about how to get rid of the knot in my stomach. But as one of my teachers said, “A knot in your stomach is the natural consequence of your current life pursuits. Trying to fix it isn’t a real answer.” (Though of course, inviting Higher Power to take charge does help a lot!).
So what I did in the face of the knot in my stomach was I thought, as Siddhartha says. What is my true path right now? It is NOT fighting my discomfort.
Here is the path I have chosen in life: To create the freedom in myself needed to find awe, joy, and generosity. In turn, I create that in leaders and people who will create that in others. The work is done when the whole world has nothing left to do but play.
That path of mine comes from my ability to think as Siddhartha discusses. Moving back into that path this morning comes from my ability to think, fast and wait. I don’t have to fix the knot in my stomach. I can live with it. It won’t kill me.
Instead, I can write this newsletter and–I hope–create freedom in you!! :)
A Reflection for You
— Where in your life are you avoiding discomfort at the cost of your freedom?
— What’s one small step you could take to lean into that discomfort instead of turning away?
👉 Leave a comment or hit reply. I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Leaping Into the Unknown (And Landing in Palm Beach)
Another example of thinking, fasting and waiting:
Last Thursday morning I was sitting with the self-same knot in my stomach and facing the prospect of a blizzard in Cambridge, Massachusetts, where I have been staying. (Part of my new-found freedom is allowing myself to live and teach at Cambridge Zen Center).
I spontaneously decided I would fly out that day. There was one flight available and it was to West Palm Springs. I had a busy day and had no time to look for hotels or figure anything out about the trip. Plus, I had no dog sitter and I had a client I would have to reschedule. And, there was only one ticket left for the flight.
I booked the flight. But I had to face discomfort to do it. Discomfort to do with my own particular personality. What if I couldn’t get a dog sitter? What if my client was upset about rescheduling? And about a hundred other unpleasant injunctions.
I figured out the dog sitting and the client but it wasn’t until I got to the airport that I had time to look at hotels. There was one, more expensive than I am used to paying, plus I always have a fear that I will make the wrong choice in travel arrangements.
Yet I booked the hotel. But, as with the flight, I had to face discomfort to do it. Discomfort to do with my own particular personality.
Ok, I’m not going to tell you everything about the trip except that it was filled with uncomfortable choices for me and also exciting adventures. And the thing is, there were no real dangers, just fears to do with my personality. I choose to be willing to jump out of the constraints of my personality and be free.
Here were some of the rewards:
A sense of awe and surprise to unexpectedly find myself in 80 degree weather
The chance to sit by a pool doing my work
Going to a recovery movement meeting and walking up to a group of guys and asking them if I could join them for breakfast and making friends
Seeing a celebrity I’ve always imagined coaching and plucking up the courage to introduce myself, talk, and even exchange phone numbers
Realizing that one of my very good friends was in West Palm and getting to spend time with him and his family
Wading in the ocean
And lots of other things.
That all required a lot of thinking, fasting and waiting from me. I had to be willing to be uncomfortable.
Why was I able to do it? Because I know that I have chosen a path in life and I dedicate myself to it:
To create the freedom in myself needed to find awe, joy, generosity. In turn, I will create that in leaders and people who will create that in others. The work is done when the whole world has nothing left to do but play.
And the thing is, having done all that, I get to tell you the stories and to tell my clients the stories and so inspire you and them into freedom, too.
When we are willing to be in the discomfort of following the truth of ourselves, not only do we reap the benefits, but we get to inspire others to find their own freedom too.
Let’s Take It Deeper
— Where are you waiting to act because you believe you don’t know how?
— What might shift if you chose to think, fast, and wait—trusting the “how” to reveal itself once you commit to the “want to”?
👉 Leave a comment or hit reply—I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Love,
Colin
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