When You Never Take No for an Answer
On fierce commitment and a concrete way I can teach you to love yourself enough to try for 10,000 years
One of the reasons I chose Substack is because it makes real conversation possible. I’m not here to broadcast—I’m here to connect. Read this post and then let me know if you’ve ever felt the pull of something you refuse to give up on. Tell me what echoes in you. You can hit reply, leave a comment, or just tap the “like” button to let me know you’re out there.
Thank YOU for being part of this!
What happens when you don’t accept ‘no’?
I choose to take the stand that no event in my life is good or bad, right or wrong. Everything is simply information about the next best step on my life path and moving in the directions I care about and towards the things I choose to accomplish.
In other words, there are certain things I am committed to and I refuse to view any event as information about whether I will achieve them or not. Instead, every event is just information about the next step I must take to move towards my commitment.
In my tradition of Zen, we say, “Try, try, try for 10,000 years, just try.” This is the same point. Keep trying no matter what, even if you fear it will take 10,000 years.
That, for me, sometimes means not taking no for an answer. I used to think not taking no for answer was a fault—because my mother told me so. “When are you going to realize that no means no, Colin?” she would say.
There are some things I refuse to give up on. I thought maybe that made me bad or unboundaried or unrealistic or downright crazy. Actually, it makes me committed. And magic.
⏸️ Take a Moment To Reflect Here: Has there ever been something you were “unreasonable” about—something you kept moving toward even when it didn’t make sense? How do you feel about it now?
One reason I love my coach
I wrote to my coach, Aila Coates, “I have to admit that I hate taking no for an answer and I am not very good at it.” I sent the message feeling that there might be something a little bit wrong with me.
Aila wrote back, “Knowing that everything is fluid and being create anew right now… And right now… And right now… It seems that taking no for an answer is not very logical.”
I fucking love Aila.
And I fucking love that I am so loyal to my spirit that, despite all seeming evidence that I will fail, there are some things I will simply never give up on.
A Reflection of Spirit
This will seem like it is on a different subject but bear with me…
During a long, two-day meeting with a client, after talking through all the areas of my client’s life, I use a marker pen to point at different points on the flipchart paper that is hanging on the walls.
I say, “Do you see how you have always strived to help people expand and grow? Do you see how that is central to who you are?”
My client begins to weep.
I ask, “What is making you weep?”
My client covers her mouth and shakes her head as though to say she will start sobbing if she tries to speak.
I ask, “Is it because you are just realizing that you are proud to be you?”
Still holding her tears back, she nods.
We pause.
Finally she says, “I suddenly realize that I am good.”
Getting to help people look in the mirror of their spirit, I can’t imagine for a moment a job I would rather do.
And the thing is, the people I work with are doing so much good in the world.
When they finally love themselves, it only means they do even more good.
⏸️ Take a Moment To Reflect Here: When was the last time you said, “I am good”—and meant it? What would it take to believe it fully?
Back to not accepting no
Here’s how we get back to never taking no for an answer:
My client didn’t just realize that she loves herself. She also realized that she is fiercely committed to helping people expand and grow. It is her declared reason for being. And as it happens, she is in the career position to help an incredible number of people expand and grow.
Over the course of our two-day meeting, she realized that when it comes to helping people expand and grow, she refuses to take no for an answer.
And so, against all odds and despite skepticism from colleagues, she is committed to a reinvention of her work that will hugely impact the number of people who get the opportunity to expand and grow.
Can I tell you how she knows that she will be successful in this reinvention? Because she knows that, like me, she will not accept no for an answer.
There is another reason she knows: It is because I am able to point to many clients I have taken through the process I took her through and show her the amazing results of their not taking no for an answer.
Can you learn this art of full commitment?
Do you wish you were so clear about who you were and what you insist on doing with your life that you will never accept no for an answer? Do you want to love yourself so much that you honor that truth in yourself no matter what?
I ask, because I want to teach you how.
And here is the thing: I can teach you how.
I teach people how all the time.
And this summer, I am going to teach people how in three workshops where you will learn these things. The three workshops are, in order:
Full Contact: Saturday, June 28, 2025, East Hampton, NY. About learning to be with your emotions in such a way that they do not run your life and derail you from accomplishing what is most important to you.
The Alchemy of Personal Reinvention: Saturday, July 26, 2025, East Hampton, NY. About identifying the life direction you are truly committed to and becoming the person you need to be to never accept a no when it comes to accomplishing that life direction.
The Calmness of Horses and Whales: Saturday, August 30, 2025, East Hampton, NY. About regulating, regenerating and rejuvenating yourself enough to be able to stay centered in your life direction, no matter what is happening (and, yes, it includes spending time with whales and horses).
You can do all three or any one of the workshops.
These events are intended for anyone, but especially for leaders, creatives and coaches and therapists. The communities attending each of them are curated and you will love the people you interact with. I’d love to hear from you if you’re curious to learn more.
Next week, I will be sending out more details and the application form. But if you are interested, hit reply and tell me so by email. Which you should do now. Because, as I said, spots are limited.
Love,
Colin
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Areas where I haven’t taken “no” for an answer:
1) Parenting. You know about this one. Now that my children are all grown and living their own lives, I’m amazed and bewildered at my dedication and fortitude in having/getting them and fiercely loving each of them in their uniqueness and through their challenges to become adults who live their own truths no matter what. I can hardly relate to the me who did that.
2) Dancing. So so so many nos on this one. I was too tall, too curvy, too out of the box, too expressive. And yet, I did it for thirty years. It just came out of me. My choreography was mathematical, quirky, passionate, classical, and original. It moved people into new thoughts, ideas, and feelings. No matter how many nos I got from teachers, I couldn’t not do it.
3) Environmental advocacy. I’m twenty years in on this one. Again, I can’t not do it. After ten years in the US Forest Service, this administration told me I could no longer do it. I’m not needed or valued, and neither is the environment. I just found another organization that doesn’t agree to hire me to do it and moved to yet another state so I can keep giving what I have and know back to the land.